Chat
by Thomas N
Summary: This is formerly known as The Cullen Computers. It's an IM between the Cullens.
1. No more Jacob

**Author's Note: So, these three things have only been done about a million times separately. But I've never seen them done together. Oh, I got the papers saying that I own Twilight, but then Stephenie Meyer SNATCHED them right out of my hands and ate it. Oh well.**

Screen Names:

ShineVolvoShine- Edward

Swanlake- Bella

Pixishopper- Alice

emokidd- Jasper

Hotteegirl- Rosalie

stronga_than_yesterday- Emmett

medicalhott-a- Carlisle

Carlislechangeyoursn- Esme

wolfgirl- Renesmee

wolfy16- Jacob

Redheadedwriter- Stephenie Meyer

*****_________________________________________________________________________**

_**Swanlake has signed in.**_

_**emokidd has signed in**_

_**wolfgirl has signed in**_

_**Pixishopper has signed in**_

**wolfgirl:** Hey mom can I go see jake?

**Swanlake:** Have you finished your homework?

**wolfgirl: **It's summer

**Swanlake:** Don't sass me.

**wolfgirl: **I'm not.

**Swanlake: **Just for that, NO jacob this week.

**wolfgirl:** But...

**Swanlake:** TWO WEEKS!

**wolfgirl:** UGHHHH!

**wolfgirl** has signed off.

**Pixishopper:** That was kinda cruel bella.

**emokidd:** Yeah.

**Swanlake**: lmao. She's been seing too much of him. Who on Earth has ever wanted too see someone THAT much.

_**ShineVolvoShine has signed in.**_

**Swanlake:** Oh...right.

**ShineVolvoShine: **What?

**Swanlake: **Oh nothing...but Ness can't see jake for a month.

**emokidd: **You said 2 weeks.

**Swanlake:** It's a month now! Shr sassed me.

**Pixishopper: **No she didn't.

**Swanlake: **Shut up or no Jasper or shopping for a month.

**Pixishopper:** Yes maam.

**ShineVolvoShine:** Bells, you cant ground Alice.

**Swanlake: **Shut up...Or know "games" at night in our bed.

**emokidd:** Whoa...STILL HERE.

**Swanlake: **Oh right.

**ShineVolvoShine:** brb.

_**medicalhott-a has signed in.**_

**medicalhott-a:** anyone seen Emmett?

**emokidd:** Carlisle?

**medicalhott-a:** Yeah...so have you seen him?

_**stronga_than_yesterday has signed in.**_

**medicalhott-a: **Emmett...where are you?

**stronga_than_yesterday: **Taking FULL advantage of my laptop.

**medicalhott-a: **bathroom?

**stronga_than_yesterday:** Yeah.

**Swanlake:** EWWWWW!

**stronga_than_yesterday:** We're vamps idiot. I'm not doing anything.

**Swanlake: **Oh yeah...but still....

_**stronga_than_yesterday has signed off.**_

_**medicalhott-a has signed off.**_

_**Carlislechangeyoursn has signed in.**_

**Carlislechangeyoursn:** Carlisle?

**emokidd: **Just missed him.

**Carlislechangeyoursn: **Drat!

_**Carlislechangeyoursn has signed off.**_

_**Redheadedwriter has signed on.**_

**emokidd: **Alice...still there?

**Pixishopper:** Yeah.

**emokidd:** I got an idea for a game we can go play in our bedroom.

**Swanlake:** *clears throat.*

**Pixishopper:** Ohh...what's it called.

**emokidd: **Umm...doing it.

**Redheadedwriter:** OMG Gross!

**Pixishopper:** race ya...

_**Pixishopper has signed off.**_

_**emokidd has signed off.**_

_**Hotteegirl has signed on.**_

_**Wolfy16 has signed on.**_

**ShineVolvoShine: **wait a second...who are you?

**Swanlake: **and by the way...its ZOMG now.

**Redheadedwriter:** Thanks...I'm you creator.

**Hotteegirl:** Carlisle?

**Wolfy16**: God?!

**Redheadedwriter**: No...I created you...My name is Stephenie Meyer.

**Swanlake**: Stephenie, isn't it usually Stephanie?

**Redheadedwriter**: I was named after my father.

**Hotteegirl**: your dad was named stephenie?

**Redheadedwriter**: NO!!! It was Stephen...well anyway...

**Swanlake**: I'm kicking you out of the chat room.

**Redheadedwriter**: No wait.

**You have just kicked Redheadedwriter out of the chat room.**

**Wolfy16**: Hey blonde, I can smell you from all the way over here

**Hotteegirl**: I can say the same about you.

**Swanlake**: Anyone seen Ness?

**Wolfy16**: She's over here.

**Swanlake**: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!? I said she couldn't go see you today. Why when I get my hands on both of you I swear I'll...

**Swanlake** has signed out.

**Wolfy16**: Well, I think I'll make an unplanned trip to Canada...*changes to wolf form.*

_**Wolfy16 has signed off.**_

**Hotteegirl**: Alice and Jasper are being really loud.

**ShineVolvoShine**: LMAO! I guess i gotta check to make sure Bella doesn't do anything rash.

_**ShineVolvoShine has signed off.**_

_**Hotteegirl has signed off.**_


	2. Jacob's Clingy?

**Author's Note: Sorry this took so long, it wouldn't let me log in. Sadly I don't own Twilight.**

Screen Names:

MrEsme: Carlisle

Carlislesgirl: Esme

Swanlake: Bella

ShineVolvoShine: Edward

Pixishopper: Alice

emokidd: Jasper

hottegirl: Rosalie

EmmettCullen: Emmett

Wolfy16: Jacob

Renecob: Nessie

__________________________________________________________________

_**Carlislesgirl has signed in.**_

_**MrEsme has signed in**_

MrEsme: better?

Carlislesgirl: much.

MrEsme: g2g...Important doctoral business.

_**MrEsme has signed off.**_

_**Swanlake has signed in.**_

_**Wolfy16 has signed in.**_

Swanlake: How are you even able to log in?

Wolfy16: I had one finger that's not broke, but anyway, I got a restraining order against you.

Swanlake: You seven foot tall baby!

wolfy16: Ha ha! That was so funny i forgot to laugh. excluding that first haha.

Swanlake: Do you realize the last time I heard that was 1997?

_**Renecob has signed in.**_

Renecob: Mom, Jake, I'm pregnant.

_**Renecob has signed off.**_

Swanlake: What the...You *Glares evilly at Jacob.* you better run faster than you did yesterday!

_**Swanlake has signed off.**_

_**wolfy16 has signed off.**_

_**Renecob has signed in.**_

Carlislesgirl: That's really irresponsible Renesmee...you should have been careful...what about the sex ed classes at school?!

Renecob: The cut it...now they only have a few assemblies...but you can take a chill pill...I'm NOT pregnant...At least i hope not...I was just tired of mom, and Jake has been getting too clingy.

Carlislesgirl: I still dont think that's right...but are you being safe?

Renecob: kinda...

Renecob: This is crazy...BYE!

_**Renecob has signed off.**_

_**emokidd has signed on.**_

_**ShiveVolvoShine has signed on.**_

_**Carlislesgirl has signed off.**_

ShineVolvoShine: Guess wat i found?

emokidd: idk...wat?

ShineVolvoShine: that box of...uh huh stuff...from before i knew Bella.

emokidd: which one? the P stuff or the C stuff?

ShineVolvoShine: C stuff...I tossed the P stuff out back in breaking dawn...

emokidd: what's a breaking dawn?

ShineVolvoShine: Oh nothing...

emokidd: well any way...I can't believe you kept those...that's kinda gross...

ShineVolvoShine: I put names on them...

emokidd: TMI...you should destroy them...

ShineVolvoShine: or just hide them...

emokidd: Why...you have Bella...

ShineVolvoShine: g2g...gotta hunt...

emokidd: bye.

_**Pixishopper has signed on.**_

_**ShineVolvoShine has signed out.**_

Pixishopper: I thought I'd find you here...

emokidd: What love?

Pixishopper: have you seen Bella?

emokidd: nah...she hasn't been on while i have...

Pixishopper: Oh...i wanna play barbie...sadface.

emokidd: find Rose...

_**Swanlake has signed on.**_

Pixishopper: Where are you?

Swanlake: Truck stop in Northern Ontario...I got bored of driving...

Pixishopper: Oh...*pouts**.***

Swanlake: where's Nessie?

emokidd: we haven't seen her...

Swanlake: Well...did she tell you? She's pregnant.

emokidd: Oh what a surprise... *lying and you can tell voice.*

Swanlake: are you calling my daughter something?

emokidd: no...*same voice*

Swanlake: well, i guess she inherited that...but...

Pixishopper: i have the most adorable dress for you.

Swanlake: I'll try it on later...

Pixishopper: Now I'm bored...Jasper lets go try something new.

emokidd: ?

Pixishopper: I'll explain later.

emokidd: Okay...

_**Pixishopper has signed off.**_

_**emokidd has signed off.**_

_**EmmettCullen has signed in.**_

_**hotteegirl has signed in.**_

Swanlake: hey emmett...should i come back home, i can't find jake.

EmmettCullen: I guess...where are you?

Swanlake: Ontario.

EmmettCullen: Where????

Swanlake: Canada.

EmmettCullen: Okay...I guess...Jake is up in Nessies room...i think there at it...

Swanlake: g2g...

_**Swanlake has signed off.**_

hotteegirl: lets go do what nessie and jake are.

_**EmmettCullen has signed off.**_

hotteegirl: Emmett?

_**Hotteegirl has signed off.**_


	3. Edward's Deep Dark Secret

**Author's Note: This one is kinda shorter...SORRY! I'm trying to get all three stories up to three chapters....Now I'll Update my other two stories. CHECK 'Em OUT!**

Screen Names:

Loveforgive_me: Edward.

Swanlakeismadatu: Bella

Pixishopper: Alice

emokidd: Jasper

EmmettCullen: Emmett

Rose_wants_a_baby: Rosalie

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_**Pixishopper has signed on.**_

_**Swanlakeismadatu has signed on.**_

Pixishopper: Bella? wat's up with your s/n?

Swanlakeismadatu: I'm married to a lying man whore.

Pixishopper: ?

Swanlakeismadatu: I found a box of condoms that had people's NAMES on them.

Pixishopper: Oh yeah...that was how he was until he met you. He had someone over here everyday! And then we found the porn...

Swanlakeismadatu: Ugh...I'm gonna go eat human food.

Pixishopper: NO DON'T!!!

_**Swanlakeismadatu has signed off.**_

_**Loveforgive_me has signed on.**_

Loveforgive_me: Anyone seen Bella.

Pixishopper: No man slut.

_**emokidd has signed on.**_

emokidd: Hey Ali!

Pixishopper: Hey Jasper...g2g. OH by the way I'm siding with bella dog.

_**Pixishopper has signed off.**_

emokidd: I thought i told you to hide that.

Loveforgive_me: I did. Nessie found it. I think she has something against me.

emokidd: I think your got yourself into a BIG mess.

Loveforgive_me: I know.

emokidd: You've really got to do something big.

Loveforgive_me: I gotta get started...bye jasper.

_**Loveforgive_me has signed out.**_

_**EmmettCullen has signed on.**_

_**Rose_wants_a_baby has signed on.**_

Rose_wants_a_baby: PLLLEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEE!

EmmettCullen: For the billionth time. YOU CAN'T HAVE A BABY!

Rose_wants_a_baby: We'll adopt.

EmmettCullen: Oh now that's a GREAT idea...bring a baby into a house of vampires GENIOUS.

EmmettCullen: Oh by the way...I was being sarcastic.

_**EmmettCullen has signed off.**_

Rose_wants_a_baby: How rude.

_**Swanlakeismadatu has signed on.**_

Swanlakeismadatu: Rose?

Rose_wants_a_baby: yeah...i heard you found out about Edward's true way of life.

Swanlakeismadatu: Yeah... THEY HAD NAMES ON THEM.

Swanlakeismadatu: *Gasp* Jessica Stanley...Angela Weber?

Rose_wants_a_baby: And he didn't use them all the time. Actually, most of the time he didn't a few girls ended up pregnant. STUPID HUMANS!

Swanlakeismadatu: *Gasp* NOW I REALLY AM GOING TO EAT HUMAN FOOD!

_**Swanlakeismadatu has signed out.**_

_**Rose_wants_a_baby has signed out.**_


	4. Renecob Update

**Author's Note: **OH MY GOSH! I have not been on in FOREVER! Most of you have probably forgot what happened and had to read it all over again. Fail.

Screen Names:

gtfoedward: Bella

forgivemelove: Edward

PixiShopper: Alice

emokidd69: Jasper

rosieposie: Rosalie

EmmettCullen: Emmett

renisSINGL: Renesmee

rensstalker: Jacob

_**gtfoedward has signed in.**_

_**PixiShopper has signed in.**_

_**emokidd69 has signed in, but is idle.**_

gtfoedward: Alice?

PixiShopper: Yes? Any news?

gtfoedward: I'm REALLY considering eating human food.

emokidd69: NO! BELLA DON'T DO IT! WE LOVE YOU!

gtfoedward: BAHAHAHAHAHAHA! wtf is your screen name?

emokidd69: What? It's the same as it's always been...

PixiShopper: NO! The number! roflcopter.

emokidd69: Oh? The 69? That's when I was born. 1869.

PixiShopper: Umm... you should change it.

emokidd69: Why? I like it. I LOVE 69.

PixiShopper: Remember that. Because later tonight I'm going to tell you everything wrong with that post. :/

gtfoedward: Or SHOW him.

_**EmmettCullen has signed in.**_

PixiShopper: I'd rather not talk about THAT, Bella.

EmmettCullen: What?

emokidd69: what's wrong with my s/n.

EmmettCullen: LSHMWJFOOMHAOTTD.

PixiShopper: ?

EmmettCullen: Laughing So Hard My Weave Just Fell Out Onto The Desk.

PixiShopper: -_- Brick Wall. Anyway!

EmmettCullen: DON'T BRICK WALL ME!

gtfoedward: DONE!

_**renisSINGL has signed in.**_

PixiShopper: What's with the s/n?

emokidd69: FINE! I'LL CHANGE IT!

_**emokidd69 has become emokidd.**_

_**emokidd has changed his gender to male. **_

PixiShopper: Umm...?

emokidd: I notice while I was in account I had it set to female. :/

EmmettCullen: roflcoptor.

PixiShopper: I have to stop using that word now. ANYWAY...I was asking Renesmee about her s/n.

renisSINGL: Oh, I broke up with Jake.

EmmettCullen: Weird making out with someone your mom made out with? Twice.

renisSINGL: ? wtf?

gtfoedward: REN: Almost language! And Emmett: STFU!

**loveforgiveme has signed in.**

loveforgiveme: Bella. It was old stuff.

**gtfoedward has signed out.**

EmmettCullen: OOOO! PWNED JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!

_**rosieposie has signed in.**_

loveforgiveme: At least I gave my wife a baby!

rosieposie: OH IT'S ON NOW!

PixiShopper: Im gonna go check to see if Bella is eating human food. -_-

loveforgiveme: I'll leave too. Bella threw all my stuff on the roof. I better get it before it rains.

_**PixiShopper has signed off.**_

_**loveforgiveme has signed off.**_

_**emokidd has gone idle.**_

_**rosieposie has signed off.**_

_**rensstalker has signed on.**_

rensstalker: so, you break up with me after I sleep with you?

EmmettCullen: WHOA! TMI! This is an OPEN chat.

_**Emmett Cullen has signed out.**_

renisSINGL: Yup. Wham! Bam! Thank You, Sir.

_**renisSINGL has signed off.**_

_**rensstalker has signed off.**_

emokidd: What does 69 mean? UGH!

**Author's Note:** Sorry, I COMPLETELY forgot about fanfiction for a while. :/ Review? Please? If you wanna... :D


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